Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Words of Wisdom from Arabian Nights - 2

Almost everyone is familiar with some of the stories Arabian nights (Alibaba and 40 thieves, Alladin and the Flying Carpet etc). They are a collection of stories that Shaharezaad tells her husband, Sultaan Shaharyaar, every night so he would be intrigued by the stories and would not kill her. (She was successful) My mother has collected many of them from various sources and published them on her website (Sushmajee.com) under Arabian Nights Stories. All stories are interesting and keeps one spell bound until the end.  Read them; I am sure you will enjoy them. Most are suitable for kids 10 years or older.

Lately I have been editing them for my Mom, and came across some very good learning moments in some stories. These are valid for anyone in any culture.  Here they are in two installments.

Again - this is from my Mom's website: sushmajee.com.
(Read part 1 here)

Part 2: This excerpt comes from the story of Haykar (link). This is really a good story of how despite good teaching one can become bad and how wisdom always prevails. In this story Haykar, a vazeer (the king's adviser), is try to train his adopted son to become a good vazeer. I am going to write some these in my own words as some of these are written in a very different kind of English.
  1. If a word comes to your ears, suffer it to die within your heart, never disclose to anybody, lest it becomes a live coal to burn your tongue; if you see something, do not disclose it to anyone; breed pain in your body, clothe yourself in shame and always fear from God. 
  2. Don't make haste in replying.
  3. Don't desire for formal beauty which fades away soon, but look for inner qualities which last forever.
  4. O son, be not deceived by a woman of immodest speech, lest you become a prey of her speech and die by a shameful death. Don't be attracted to a woman of art, her clothes and cosmetics etc, because they are the things of immodesty. Beware of her to give anything which is not yours, for she will robe you in sin and you will have to answer to Allaah.
  5. Do not be an almond tree whose leaves appear earlier than everything else and its fruit comes in the last, but try to be a mulberry tree which bears the fruit first and everything later as its foliage. 
  6. Bow your head even to your inferiors, always speak softly, be courteous, and tread in the paths of piety. 
  7. Never speak or laugh loudly, because if the house was built by the volume of the sound, the ass would eat many a mansion everyday.
  8. The transport of stones with a man of wisdom is better than the drinking the wine with a man blamed for his foolishness. You should pour out the wine over the tombs of the pious men than drain it in those who offend others. 
  9. Be with a sage who fears Allaah and try to be like him and learn his ways.
  10. If you have a friend or a familiar, make trial of him, then be with him; and without testing him, neither praise him, nor insult him, nor disclose your thoughts about him to anybody who is not wise. 
  11. As long you have a shoe to wear, walk always on thorns and tread a way for your sons and grandsons. Always keep a boat ready, lest the sea drowns you.
  12. When a rich person eats a snake, it is said that it is his delicacy; but when a poor eats the same snake, it is declared "it is because of his poverty." Be content with your status and your good, never be jealous with your fellow. 
  13. Never be friendly with ignorant, nor eat food with him; nor be happy when they are annoyed with you. 
  14. Even if your enemy maltreat you, meet them with kindness and charity feelings. (read such a story). 
  15. And always fear the man who does not fear Allaah.
  16. O son, the fool will fall if one slips, but a wise man does not even tumble, and even if he tumbles, he will rise quickly, if he falls ill, he will be healthy soon; but for the ignorant there is no remedy. 
  17. If a lesser intelligent man than yourself comes to you, protect him respectfully; and if he does not suffice you, the Lord will suffice you in exchange of him.
  18. Spare not blows to your child, for the beating the boy is like to manure the garden, to bind the purse mouth, to chain the cattle, and to lock the door. Withhold your child from wickedness and discipline him, lest he becomes stubborn and obstinately disobedient; and thus lowering your head in the society and you should be described as an aid to his wrongdoings.
  19. Let no word escape your lips without consulting your heart; nor should you stand up between two opposites, because if you talk to wicked people it will give birth to enmity, from enmity comes out the battle, and from battle arises the slaughter. 
  20. Wherever your testimony is required, flee from that place and be at rest.
  21. Never stand against a man who is stronger than you, but be patient; long suffering, self-control and treading the path of piety are excellent. 
  22. Do not enjoy over the death of the enemy because after a while you will become his neighbor.
  23. Do not hear if somebody talks to you rudely or makes a mockery of you; honor him and always greet him with Salaam. 
  24. When the water in the stream is high, the bird will fly sky-high, and the black raven will be white, then only the ignorant and the fool will talk. (don't understand this one well)
  25. If you are wise, control your tongue from talking, your hand from stealing, and your eyes from seeing evil, then only you will be called a sage.
  26. O son, suffer, if a wise man strikes you with his staff, rather than being happy when a fool anoints you with the sweetest smell. 
  27. Be humble in the years of youth so that you may be honored in your old age. 
  28. Do not stand opposite to a man in your office, nor try to stop a river. 
  29. Do not haste in the matters of marriage - because if it brings prosperity, the folks will not tolerate you, and if it brings ill, they will abuse you and curse you.
  30. Live in the company of the one whose hand is full, not in the company of the one whose hand is like a fist. 
  31. There are four things which are unstable - a king with no army; a Vazeer in difficulty for lack of advice amongst; the folks whose speech is discourteous and over the Kings. (?- seems incomplete)
  32. Four things also are never hidden - wit, the sage and the fool, the rich and the pauper.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Words of Wisdom from Arabian Nights - 1

Almost everyone is familiar with some of the stories Arabian nights (Alibaba and 40 thieves, Alladin and the Flying Carpet etc). They are a collection of stories that Shaharezaad tells her husband, Sultaan Shaharyaar, every night so he would be intrigued by the stories and would not kill her. (She was successful) My mother has collected many of them from various sources and published them on her website (Sushmajee.com) under Arabian Nights Stories. All stories are interesting and keeps one spell bound until the end.  Read them; I am sure you will enjoy them. Most are suitable for kids 10 years or older.

Lately I have been editing them for my Mom, and came across some very good learning moments in some stories. These are valid for anyone in any culture.  Here they are in two installments.

Part 1: (Click here for the story it came from)

In this story a dying old father is telling his son how to live in this world.
  1. The first principle - Be over-intimate with none, nor frequent with any, nor be familiar with any, thus you will be safe from his mischief; for security lies in seclusion of thought.
    Meaning: Do not share too much information about yourself with anyone - that way they will not be able to use any of that information against you.
  2. The second principle - Deal harshly with none, lest fortune deals with you harshly; for the fortune of this world is one day with you and another day against you; and all worldly goods are but a loan to be repaid.
    Meaning: Deal fairly with everyone and treat everyone nicely. You never know when your luck turns around and you will need the help of others. Also, everything you have here stays here in this world and is a loan, so help others.
  3. The third principle - Learn to be silent in society and let your own faults distract your attention from the faults of other men; it is said that in silence lives safety and by speaking you will repent many times.
    Meaning: Learn to be quiet and train to improve yourself rather than finding faults in other people. Silence is golden;  if you say something bad you will have to repent it over and over again.
  4. The fourth principle - Beware of wine drinking because it destroys human wits, it opens the gates wide to sins that kill.
    Meaning: This is simple - be in control of your senses. Alcohol makes you lose control and makes you do things you would normally not do.
  5. The fifth principle - Keep your wealth and it will keep you, guard your money and it will guard you. Waste it not lest you become a beggar. Save your wealth to cure the wounds of the world. Because if you do not have wealth, you have no friends around. How many friends are there who lend their money to their friends?
    Meaning: Be wise with your money. Take care of it and it will take care of you. When you have no money you have no friends.  There are not many friends who will give you money when you need it.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Comparison is the Way of Life

Comparison is a strange beast. It can make you better at what you do or it can ruin you. Comparison would be similar to survival of the fittest. Although there are so many people who can just simply "exist" without giving a second thought to how they live (another blog topic). Comparison can give us competitive edge which if done well can lead to a positive ending.

Comparison starts from childhood, especially if you have a sibling. No matter if you have a sister or brother there will always be comparisons. Parents make comparisons and sometimes make it worse, "Your brother can do this - why can't you?" or they may love one child more than the other so one is feeling left out. Depending the on the age difference sibling rivalry can be severe or not happen at all. Large age differences will tend to have fewer comparisons - for obvious reasons - they are not in the same age bracket to compare. But later in life they can still be compared in terms of success in life and responsibility. The closer the age the more the sibling rivalry. Sometimes it lasts the entire lifetime!

Comparison gets worse as we get older. The worst is between friends - she has "this" and I don't! He gets to go to "this" and I don't! I got better grades than you! She got into medical school and I could not. Of course for girls there is the added comparison of physical beauty. She is prettier, has better hair, has more friends and so on. (Maybe guys have another comparison - like height or muscles). It does not end. I feel that teenage years are the worst years. There is the need to excel in studies to get into a good college, the need to have friends and so much peer pressure to try out new things. Crazy time.

College days are better. One starts to be their own person. Hopefully they know what they are doing. But after graduation comes job hunting. Another BIG challenge. We compare ourselves to our peers to see where we stand in our employment. Did we get job in a good company, how hard was it? Did we have to use our network or were we good enough that we got in through a competitive process? Do we work for a big company or a small no name one. What is our status at the company? Etc etc..... Anything can be made out such that one can brag about it. I still brag about my first two post docs and my first job that I got because of my networking skills. And now I can brag about being selected through a competitive process.

Not to forget that with job comes money. How much are you getting paid? No asks that but everyone wants to know and tries to estimate. Money has become our biggest comparison factor these days because it gives you a status in the society. Family members get to brag about you if you make good money.  So it is a matter of pride for everyone.  Whether you have education or not, or you are a good person or not is not as important as how rich your are.

And then comes the family. How well did you marry? How well to do is your spouse? Do you feel a sense of pride introducing your spouse to your friends? We compare our spouses to everyone elses' - its just human nature.

And for someone like me - unmarried - I compare myself to my married friends and vice versa. And for couples who don't have children may compare themselves to the ones with children.  Parents with two girls may have wanted one boy and will always compare themselves with the ones who were lucky enough to have a boy. Comparisons never end.

As we get older, we become parents and the cycle goes the other way. First we were under pressure to do well, now we put our children to do well. Our measure of success is in the success of the children  So the cycle continues.....

The bad part about comparison is that it can really cause depression, jealousy or anger. This can lead to uncommon behaviour in a person which might result in harm to another or to self. The negativity spills into all aspects of our life and destroys relationships.

On the other hand comparisons can be healthy if dealt with in a positive manner. It can make you perform better in education, in sports and other competitions. It can make you push to do things you may not have thought you could do. It could lead you to having a more fulfilling life.

As time goes on we compare our old self to younger self - oh we could so much when we were young! Oh I could have done this if I was single! Well sure. Some people manage to remain as active and involved as they were in their youth. But it is also equally fair to keep moving on in life rather than looking back and be in competition with ourselves. We may get better in some ways but worse in others (knowledge vs stamina respectively!).

No one is perfect, no one's life is perfect. We can compare as much as we want but unless we know the other person's story we will never make a fair comparison. The best thing is to appreciate what others have, acknowledge their life and try to live ours in such a way that it becomes an example to others.

Lastly, we have all come in this world to live our lives; we are not all supposed to lead the same lives as others. There are certain norms and expectations  of a society but for most part our life is unique and needs no comparison.